Real Relationships

I just saw Keith Burtis' tweet and was curious as to what was going on over here ;-)

What ever happened to no strings attached? The beauty of instinct is you always KNOW who's in it for a lead, to "use" you for whatever, or has intentions for a mutally beneficial "relationship."

It's like classic movies or music. Quality people are always there for you. You may not be able to help them at the time or vice versa, but once you establish a quality relationship, it's another amazing resource to help you succeed personally and/or professionally.

Like you, I also love to interact with people. Sometimes it's because I think they have interesting perspectives, even if they're not relevant to what I do. It always works out well for me because I never have ulterior motives or hidden agendas. Back to that whole authenticity thing, but let's not go there, let's move forward to building quality relationships and in most cases friendships. Cheers!

David, I wish i could have been part of the discussion, but i was on vacation. Anyway, I have just a simple ruke that I follow at ALL times.

Never approach a network of individuals or individual in a network with a greedy one sided agenda.

~Food for thought
Keith

So you aren't into friends with benefits arrangements, huh? ;)

I think this entire post could also be applied to any relationship in life, offline. Aren't we all looking for something in any relationship we pursue? Friendship, romance, business connections, etc. It's the same online really. We sometimes just get lucky enough to find those who we genuinely enjoy having a connection with and if we can help each other out too, that's just a bonus.

Okay, this could start out wrong, but bear with me... ;-)

When you take interest in a guy or a girl in a bar or club, it's usually with one objective - a sexual encounter. It's the nature of the beats.

So you get talking. You buy some drinks. You flirt. You give off the body language signs. It either works or it doesn't. You end up at one of your places, the deed is done, and off you go. Now you need to decide whether that was a one-night stand or you want to do it again.

Say you have more interest than the one-night stand. So you go on some more dates. You start to have fun; get to know the person better; enjoy their company; actually think of other things you want to do together.

Basically, you've gone from simply looking for someone to f*ck and moved into someone you want to spend time with, and trust, and build a relationship.

We may (unintentionally) start out looking to see who we can sleep with to further ourselves, but we soon realize who we want to go home with every night at the end of the dance.

Of course, then a whole new ball game starts and we need to nurture and maintain these relationships. Ahhh, happy days... ;-)

I agree with you on that this is how many relationships begin. But this fades away quickly if you hit it off. Your purpose and the way you approach the other person becomes more familiar.
Great thoughts David.

Are you creating real, meaningful relationships? Or are you pretending to create relationships in order to generate leads? Whereu00e2u0080u0099s the u00e2u0080u009clineu00e2u0080u009d?

Great question you got here! Sometimes some people are 'plastic' they just get into relationships cos they want something for business. But for me building real relationship towards people is one step closer to success.

To Kyle's question, there's always something to offer someone's agenda if you spend enough time and effort getting to know them. Really. Maybe it's not apparent at the beginning -- maybe it doesn't even exist at that point -- but if you're investing time in building a relationship with someone and maintaining it for the long haul, you'll eventually be able to offer something they need.

That's what relationships/connections/whatever you want to call them are about -- even when they're seemingly not based in agenda, like your relationships with your friends, there's always something to offer and take away, whether it's purchasing a product, spreading the word about the business, or even just offering support during tough times.

Maybe I'm getting off the business track here, but I think it all applies. There will always be something to give back, you just have to pay enough attention to what people are subtly telling you they need.

What about when you really have nothing to offer from your side of the relationship? If everyone has an agenda, then both sides are feeding off of each other; otherwise, there would be no point in one side maintaining a relationship because they aren't getting anything out of it.

Is that something you're honest and forthcoming about? "I have nothing to give you in return, but you might be interested in writing about this or checking this out and offering your opinion." (Maybe not that bluntly).

Bottom line: Does your chances of meeting your own agenda plummet when you have nothing to offer someone else's agenda?

Good post, David. I like how you always seem to bring up tough issues where there's no clear-cut answer.

I agree with you & Sheema, here. You need to be realistic, but real at the same time. I think a key is to go in without expecting anything in return, just like IRL. Sure, it would be great to get a job, a story printed, or a new good friend through tweeting or blogging, but in the end, social media is still about connecting (whether it's a simple @reply, a blog comment, or something more), conversing, sharing, and (here's the big one) learning from each other.

I guess my point here is to temper expectations, connect, and see where these relationships go.

Keep keepin' it real, David,

Tom
@tomokeefe1

Good post, David. I like how you always seem to bring up tough issues where there's no clear-cut answer.

I agree with you & Sheema, here. You need to be realistic, but real at the same time. I think a key is to go in without expecting anything in return, just like IRL. Sure, it would be great to get a job, a story printed, or a new good friend through tweeting or blogging, but in the end, social media is still about connecting (whether it's a simple @reply, a blog comment, or something more), conversing, sharing, and (here's the big one) learning from each other.

I guess my point here is to temper expectations, connect, and see where these relationships go.

Keep keepin' it real, David,

Tom
@tomokeefe1

I'm using you for your looks and your money David. Don't have any illusions about that.

I think the key to creating meaningful relationships is to sustain them after the sale, like you said. For example, if you establish a relationship with a blogger, then pitch to them, your relationship shouldn't end there- you should continue to engage with them. I feel like if this is done genuinely, you'll have gained a friend as well as a valuable connection. The key is to respect one another, be truthful about your intentions, and not always expect anything in return- which I think are important in our "IRL" relationships too.

I'm starting to think we throw the word relationship around a lot now too. Technically the relationship is the connection between individuals ... that's it ... it's the connection.

Now whether it's a good relationship or a bad one is another story but what you're getting at is the "good relationships" built on misguided intentions.

That's where I think you are right on.

However, I think ultimately what the internet and this whole social media boom is doing is opening people up a bit more and helping us filter out the dishonest folks. The info spreads so fast it's in every one's best interest to be legitimate. Hopefully the ones that still aren't will be filtered out as the need to become more and more transparent to gain trust becomes more present.